misconceived ideas of strength and braveryi tried to be anorexic for three hours,misconceived ideas of strength and bravery by inkstaineddove
but i was too weak
and had to make myself a sandwich.
i heard you say these words
on a night when i could only
focus on the rumbling
in my stomach and mind
one telling me to eat,
the other saying to stop.
they made me choke back down
the bile and vomit
from the lunch i didn't have -
or maybe it was from
the dinner i din't want,
but was forced to consume.
you do not understand
how to tie in 'weak'
into a sentence that
doesn't make us -
your beauty fetish.
you are not weak
for not having a voice
whispering to you words like
"fat", "worthless", "ugly".
nor one that tells you to
"starve yourself", "shed a few, tubby",
and, my personal favorite,
"how can anyone love you like this?"
you are not weak
for not hating yourself
more and more with every
bite you take. you aren't weak
for not depending on restricting
to the point of where you eat
too few calories to even survive.
you are lucky.&
shoulda, coulda, wouldawhen i met you, i should've stayed callous.shoulda, coulda, woulda by inkstaineddove
i should've remained distant,
friendly yet too far to touch.
(out of orbit or not in your solar system?
only what ifs can decide which would
have saved us)
i could've ignored you.
i'm good at that you see.
i could've been firm in my mind about
trying you on for a ride.
(i would've done, but goddamit
you were so nice,
so generous and uplifting.
you stroked my ego and
reminded me that devotion
was possible for me to recieve)
at the breaking point, i should've phrased things
i should've considered you more human than
but your looks and actions were so co-dependent
that i could't help but cut the chord.
i could've had better timing.
i could've picked the week that we weren't
going to be trapped together for.
i could've made the separation easier.
(i would've left sooner if
i would've been smarter.
you would've been better
and i would've been less guilty)
we're reconnecting, so i should've been
clean up on isle 15don't cry over spilled milkclean up on isle 15 by inkstaineddove
but tell me, how am i not -
how am i supposed to suppress
the words in my head,
the pounding in my chest,
that reminds me once again i
how am i supposed
to hold everything back,
fight back the tears,
because everything -
and that is anything these days
ever since the doctors forced me away
and the pills were here to stay -
reminds me how much i screwed up.
or should i say everything
reminds me of how much i'm a
screw up, with eyes that water at
the smallest inconvenience and a
mind that's as sick as me and whispers,
just loud enough to echo through my skull,
maybe things would be better without you.
and yes, i know.
i know, i know, i know
that this "pity-party" must stop.
that i just simply have to snap out of this
or if im just pretending to be happy
it'll all get better.
but when you have voices that
that love to hug you tight,
glaze your eyes, cut out your tongue,
icarus would have preferred a death like thisi want to feelicarus would have preferred a death like this by inkstaineddove
replayed over and over
like the broken records of old.
the crushed grass
being blown by the
sea-salt tainted wind.
i want to feel
only lights are provided by stars
(and the light of middle aged man
and woman's dimly lit bedroom.
it is nine p.m. on a friday
it is their bedtime)
less and less come out
while the stakes of this game,
increases with every whimpered breath.
i want to feel
the hits sting numb skin.
they resonate loud through suburbia.
they leave no marks except for shame.
gentle whispers coach the night.
less, more, less, more, stop, mm.
hair in knots and blue jeans dying green.
degrading. degrading in every fashion.
within ten minutes, the shop is closed.
silence returns and if you squint your eyes,
cock your head to the side,
you can almost feel at ease.
i've felt too much
Parallel Universes and We'd be Married"In another life, I believe we might've been in love."Parallel Universes and We'd be Married by inkstaineddove
They spin around together, keeping in time with the music and the waves of people around them.
He looks at her and his uncertainty is clear across his face. He can't decide whether she is trying to make a joke or crazy.
The look on her face is in all seriousness. He decides once again that she is crazy.
"You believe in nothing."
"I believe in that."
They continue to dance in silence. She rests her head on his shoulder. He rests his hands on her ass.
"We were never supposed to wind up like this."
His voice is barely a whisper and yet she can hear him. She reflects on how they were when they were younger.
How they hated each other until he disappeared. How she hates him, still, now that he's reappeared.
"I don't think we ever will."
They're now meeting each other's eyes. Honest words are finally being spoken without the movement of lips.
Understanding. It's come so late and yet all too soon.
The song end
schadensomethinggod, do i miss -schadensomething by wish-sticks
and i level the words against my shoulder like a shotgun,
weigh the thought out on my tongue like teeth
- well. does it matter what i miss,
when none of my shots have ever hit the dead
of their plush-pumping targets? i miss, i miss,
god, do i miss. god, do i always fucking miss.
shaky fingers, if you ask me. weak wrists and hollow elbows
and wire-boned shoulders and broken ribs and rattling spine
and, and, and, and, and.
i've tried writing about people who aren't me for so long
that sitting down and pressing probablymy keys to the
letters feels as fake and scripted as it always has. i've
tried writing about people who aren't me for so long that
i've become yet another person who isn't me. i've tried,
and god, do i miss. pull up another target, paint the old
bulls-eye on, cover your ears. maybe this time -
maybe this -
maybe, maybe, maybe. and, and, and
i tilt whatever fake metaphor weapon i'm holding
up and under my chin like your fingers
(because of course, of
|Based on a true story|
|A little bit angry, a little bit scared|
from florida with loveyou are an unstable constant in my lifein
(8) handpicked: places here is a journal page for pieces of art that might inspire you the way they inspire me.
love doesn't come with a get out of jail free card0.in
hello everyone weekly featureHello everyone!
hungry is synonymous for weaki measure my worthin
Fears Prompt WinnersThank you for your submissions for the Fears Prompt. Check out all the submissions in the Fears Prompt Gallery at http://goldmedalart.deviantart.com/gallery/?48765480
Winners Fears PromptThank you for your submissions for the Fears Prompt. Check out all the submissions in the Fears Prompt Gallery at http://goldmedalart.deviantart.com/gallery/?48765480and
Winners Fears PromptThank you for your submissions for the Fears Prompt. Check out all the submissions in the Fears Prompt Gallery at http://goldmedalart.deviantart.com/gallery/?48765480
american dreamMy father was spoon-fedin
Faves-Of-The-Week!Welcome to FOTW! I'm sorry this is so late. I spilled coffee on my computer a few days back and it is fried. So I have limited time to post or find faves. Let's dive right in.
theres a reason lust was a sinlights off
down in wonderlandyou were king.
playing pretend shaped us to thisI am smoke filled lungsin
~ART FEATURE~so <3
icarus would have preferred a death like thisi want to feelin :thumb499978089:
Seven Step Recoveryi.You were my once upon-a-time. You were my prince. A stupid prince, albeit a pretty one. You were supposed to whisk me away off to the fantastical land of New Jersey as soon as we were legal.
there is no difference between plastic and nylonThis is another poem,
cicadas and sun isn't the southi remember
the broken always hide it besti remember nights wasted counting
from florida with loveyou are an unstable constant in my life
<img width="154" height="24" src="<iframe width="560" height="315" src="inkstaineddove.deviantart.com/" allowfullscreen></iframe>">
A 15 year old future lawyer. In my spare time I write about anything and everything. From the flowers in your hair to a freshly plucked orange. I also cannot write bios. Oops.
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Pottermore: SunSword23, Slytherin