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Submitted on
November 6, 2012
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Baby it's getting
Cold outside. Just
Lie here with
Me.

Work can wait
Till tomorrow. It's
Only paperwork and
Coffee.

Honey, don't go
Home to her.
She doesn't love
You.

Let's stay here,
Intertwined in our
Love till the
End.

Don't touch the
Phone that vibrates
Beside you. It's
Her.

Sweetie, today you're
Staying here where
It's only Us.
Forever.
A mistress pleading to her lover to stay with her for the day and leave his wife at home. She'll call throughout the day to find out where she's at while the mistress begs for him to ignore her.

I actually like the kind of rhythm I put to this. Along with the three lines of three words and the last line being just one.

Critics - as usual - are wanted.
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:iconshehrozeameen:
Its a good poem, with a subtle kick to it. Its nothing generic, and definitely out of the box.

I like that approach - gives a new perspective too. This poem has that; it may be blunt in its presentation, but its certainly entertaining.

I say that because the three-three-three-one ratio of division was a good idea... gives each word a weight of its own.

... I don't know why, but this reminds me a lot of Chinese literature; its crisp, solid, but not wasted away. In most cases its true, but for the most part it highlights doubt right till the end.

Well done! Keep writing.
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:iconmdc01957:
mdc01957 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
Somehow it sounds like a creepier and more depressing version of that Christmas song. :noes:
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:iconorangebanana24:
Orangebanana24 Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012
Just sounded like you changed the words in "Baby it's cold outside."
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:iconinkstaineddove:
inkstaineddove Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
For the first line, yes. The whole poem, no.
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:iconbreatheangeliclove:
BreatheAngelicLove Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2012  Student General Artist
aww this is so cute :)
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