eight ways to find a girls heart

i. Sing me songs in beautiful tenor.
Words that should send chills up
my spine and goosebumps
across my legs. 

Sing me my name with
boyish innocence.
Tell me everything I want
to hear written by Steve Perry.

ii. Remind me of how beautiful
you think I am. 
I expect it delivered in a two page essay,
double spaced, font Arial. 

Remind me of how no stars
shine as bright as me,
no lips taste as good,
and no women's looks can beat mine.

iii. Don't ever develop my negatives.
For every flaw you see, I see ten.
For every mistake I made, I promise you,
twenty worse will follow. 

Don't ever let my ego falter.
You're the one who lets
the illusion continue. The magic
remains Houdini like in mystic. 

iv. Make me every dish
my little heart desires.
Bring me french toast, bacon,
chicken, deli-grade sandwiches. 

Make me fall in love with
how you filet before I love you.
The quickest way to a woman's heart
is through her stomach after all. 

v. Protect me from everyday 
inconveniences. Push me away
from whatever wall I will meet - 
both literally and figuratively.

Protect me even when I claim
not to need it. I am foolish, stubborn,
and just the slightest bit impulsive.
Your caution will be needed. 

vi. Buy me gifts beyond budget.
I have expensive taste and only
diamonds, Ferraris, (faux) furs,
and gold cards fit the bill. 

Buy me my love because
without a bit of cash, I will
wander off. 
That's how I was raised.

vii. Treat me like a princess.
Be fairy godmother and prince-charming
wrapped into one.
Give me the glass slipper, I'll give you the kingdom. 

Treat me like how you want
other men to treat your sister.
You wouldn't want them fooling
with her. I am no different. 

viii. Wipe away my tears
when I cry.
I may be plastic, cold and hard,
but my emotions are human. 

Wipe away my scars
when I return from another war.
Promise me tomorrow,
you'll fight alongside me.