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Literature Text
your winter rages on,
shutting me out,
snowing me into a
prison of your own desgin.
a palace of ice
with frigid chains wrapped
'round my wrists.
you have forced me from
my home, stripping me of
a hearth or blanket.
no protection, no fire -
where did the spark go?
why did you banish my sun?
did no one teach you
that this land was meant
for summer and sex and
an impossible love?
don't you see how this
land is withering away,
trees dying,
the terrain barren.
yet you laugh.
you laugh without sympathy
for nature's most innocent creatures.
ice queen,
i was once your
most loyal knight.
my sword slaying all those
who dared oppose your
tyrannical rein and iron fist.
we used to laugh and gawk
at the court jester,
you used to promise me
great rewards for my efforts
defending the kingdom against
every witch,
every dragon,
every serf who dared rise up
with rebellion ablaze in their heart.
a long time ago,
in a kingdom beyond ours,
i was the cold one.
your throne was mine.
i'm tired of kneeling.
my heart and knees wish to
stand once more.
my liege,
permit my dying wish before
you send me to the guillotine.
shutting me out,
snowing me into a
prison of your own desgin.
a palace of ice
with frigid chains wrapped
'round my wrists.
you have forced me from
my home, stripping me of
a hearth or blanket.
no protection, no fire -
where did the spark go?
why did you banish my sun?
did no one teach you
that this land was meant
for summer and sex and
an impossible love?
don't you see how this
land is withering away,
trees dying,
the terrain barren.
yet you laugh.
you laugh without sympathy
for nature's most innocent creatures.
ice queen,
i was once your
most loyal knight.
my sword slaying all those
who dared oppose your
tyrannical rein and iron fist.
we used to laugh and gawk
at the court jester,
you used to promise me
great rewards for my efforts
defending the kingdom against
every witch,
every dragon,
every serf who dared rise up
with rebellion ablaze in their heart.
a long time ago,
in a kingdom beyond ours,
i was the cold one.
your throne was mine.
i'm tired of kneeling.
my heart and knees wish to
stand once more.
my liege,
permit my dying wish before
you send me to the guillotine.
I had written this awhile ago and recently found this in sta.sh. I guess I wasn't satisfied with the original (this one is heavily edited) so I decided to keep it in the archives. God that makes it sound like I'm some sort of cool writer lol.
To my old best friend and your rat pack. Just to let you know, Frank Sinatra did his gang better.
To my old best friend and your rat pack. Just to let you know, Frank Sinatra did his gang better.
© 2016 - 2024 inkstaineddove
Comments6
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Overall
Vision Originality Technique ImpactI really enjoy the use of only lower case letters. I originally thought this was only laziness, but then I noticed that you still applied certain aspects of sentence structure that can be excluded in poems. I, personally, think the lower case letters work rather well in this particular poem. I believe it symbolizes a lack of care, a sense of defeat, and submission which run through out the poem. It is one of the more beautiful features of the poem.
The flow and meaning of the poem are what most impacted vision and impact. I felt the flow was a bit rough rather than smooth. I could not just fall through the poem and taste each word, instead I had to work through it. Personally the meaning did not just fall right out either. This may be more that it is six am, but while it seems like a relationship gone wrong where the other person has become controlling and cold and the guillotine may be the end of the relationship, other pieces don`t really fall into that so easily in my opinion. I feel the description of the dying land and the speak of protecting against rebellion in some places kind of pull away from the theme just a little, but it is enough to make me question the meaning of the poem. (Of course this may be my constant uncertainty or the early morning hour that I am reading this). Between all of this the poem really evoked little to no emotion to me despite being a rather good and descriptive poem.
The use of snow and ice in a cold and upsetting situation, especially when describing someone`s behavior is really over done. It is everywhere and the fact the poem did not grip my emotions too well made this stand out even more. I think what brought a burst of originality and actually evoked some feeling were the lines, "a long time ago, in a kingdom beyond ours, i was the cold one." I feel the line really fit in with a level of power and bitter understanding that is beautiful.
The poem is a bit boring to me, but I do enjoy certain features of it and I appreciate the incredible imagery of the poem.